bluskybutterfly

Note: This started from a strange but vivid dream I had earlier today where I was helping Jess Haggerty steal private insurance records from the stacks at the Paterno Library (which was haunted) so that she could finish her dissertation, but we kept getting foiled by Shalome's husband. We never saw what he looked like, but he kept saying he was a minister and sent to preach the good word about Pop Tarts (I blame my cousin Kate's earlier posts about Pop Tart obsessions for that part). When shared, I was asked to write in short-story form. It's pretty rough, but it's the first I've written in quite some time too so cut me a little slack. Enjoy.

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Deliver Us from IHOP

Jen scanned the room for possible trouble. The whole enterprise made her slightly uneasy, although she had the distinct feeling she’d done this sort of thing before. She noted hundreds of pink and red paper hearts dangling on strings over the main portion of the library. From her perch by the rail of the second floor loft, it was almost as if she stood over a cloud of love fibers, waiting to envelope and choke the sanity out of those below.

She turned around slowly to the desk where her friend was making their move. Jess could be quite persuasive with any man that crossed her path, but this one appeared to be giving her a hard time of it. Jen couldn’t see the man’s face, but she could distinctly hear the deep overtones of his reply to her friend’s muffled questions. “I’m sorry, miss, that’s quite impossible. No one is allowed to see those records. Have you heard the Good News about the coming of the Strawberry Pop Tarts?”

Jen took a step forward as Jess spun around, scowling in her eyes as her red hair flipped glamorously over her shoulder. It gave Jen the impression of a well-rehearsed Hollywood move, though why it would come to play on the second floor of the Paterno Library she had no idea. “Come on,” Jess grumbled, “he’s not budging. Just keeps going on about the second breakfast. We’ll have to find another way in to get what we need.”

“Being that your dissertation pertains to women’s studies in literature,” Jen started tentatively, “why again do we need to steal a pile of insurance records from a library?”

“It’s a plot device,” Jess snipped. “Just roll with it.”

Her friend started to the stairwell, presumably to find another way to the records room or perhaps a breakfast pastry. Jen watched her movements through the smoky glass of the observation window, wondering how she got herself into this mess, when the black rotary phone started going off on the table beside her like the tin cans from a Progresso soup commercial. “Ring ring. Ring ring.”

“Hello?” Jen answered.

“You need to GIVE UP on your current transgressions and FIND NEW LIFE through the Savior,” an evangelical voice boomed through the receiver. “Further more, breakfast IS the most important meal of the day, and through Him you WILL reap the blessings of a second platter and extra syrup.”

“What,” Jen started, “the hell are you talking about?”

“I am talking,” the voice replied, “about SALVATION. And SALIVATION. I am TALKING about the ETERNAL GRACE for which he sees what is, and that is TRUTH. The TRUTH that in His eyes all are equal, be they Blueberry, Raspberry, or Maple Sugar with Chocolate Fudge Frosting. Even Chocolate Chip is elevated in the slots of the Toaster. The TRUTH is that ALL will come together in His loving Stomach, joining with their bacon brethren, REJOICING in the Eternal Glow after a Hearty Meal. They will join as one, molding their bits together like a sausage seasoned with redemption. RENOUNCE your heathen ways and come to PRAISE in His Waffle House this Sunday morning.”

“Isn’t he dreamy?” Shalome cooed as she returned from lunch.

“Give us this day our daily recommended allowance of fiber, vitamins, and minerals,” the voice continued, “as we forgive those who neglect to properly butter our English muffins. And deliver us from IHOP, for thine is the scrambled, and the sunny-side, and the omelet forever.”

“Amen,” Shalome whispered.

Jess returned, her face set with grim determination as she hauled the battering ram under her arm. “I had to fight the ghost…”

“THE HOLY GHOST!” yelled the evangelist over the phone.

“THE LIBRARY GHOST!” Jess grabbed the receiver and slammed it down. “Anyway. He wouldn’t give it up without a fight, and it’s hard to land a punch, you know, with him being a ghost and all. But I,” she giggled maniacally, “I will have what I came for. The walls blocking my writing will be smashed away by my own ingenuity!”

Jen looked slowly around the completely open room, noticing for the first time the rows and rows of open desks piled high with stacks of paper. “You realize we could just walk up and take them.”

“IT’S JUST A PLOT DEVICE!!!!!” Jess screamed like a warrior as she charged full force into the stacks.

Back at the table, Jen shook her head and dug into a stack of pancakes.

Greetings loyal readers! We're going to try something a little different this year. Longtime readers know that every year I've published a Year in Review playlist that summarizes my year in music. This year, however, I want to open this to the readership. In spite of being spread all over the world, 2010 has seen us all come together like never before. We've shared our joys, our sorrows, and everything in between, so I want this year's playlist chosen by everyone.

So here are the criteria for choosing songs:

1. The songs do not have to be something that was released or popular in 2010.
2. The songs do have to have meaning to you for the year, either through a specific event or overall. Entrants will be asked to (briefly) describe why their choices are pertinent to the year (you can see past examples by searching the journal, keyword "playlist").
3. The songs cannot have been used in the previous year's playlist, although they can resurface from previous playlists. For example, a song listed on the 2009 playlist would not be used on the 2010 playlist, but it could potentially come up again on the 2011 playlist.

That said, I'm leaving the entries open until Dec. 15. Entries can be posted in the comments or through a message on my FaceBook page, and are limited to people with whom I am friends. You can enter more than once, and I reserve the right to exclude entries. Entrants whose submissions make it to the final list win the admiration of their fellow readers (sorry, I'm poor).

So the question remains - what song summarizes YOUR year?

So while I have yet to remember to post the art from last spring's Drunken Obscurity album, When Hamsters Attack, we're getting ready to drop a new holiday themed album Dec. 21 entitled Trolling for Grinches. I'm particularly proud of our first single, "Frosty the Ex-Wife," and the fact that rather than just having song titles this time I've actually written lyrics!!! Rock legend and Decibel Pirates front man Scotty McFresh also joins up for this work. Stay tuned!

THIS, ladies and gents, would be number one on my Christmas wish list this year if it weren't for the fact I will almost certainly order it in about ten minutes.

www.thinkgeek.com

Summer of 2004, on a hot evening not unlike today, I was sitting with my mother on her back porch talking about my recent trip to London as well as my beginning trips (solo) out to Cleveland when she said something that puzzled me for a long time. Of all her children, she said, she always worried about me the least because no matter where I was going or what I was doing, if anything came up, I always had friends who were willing to help. Being insecure I of course heard the "I worry about you the least" statement more prominently, but as with all great lessons the exchange stuck in my memory until such time I was ready to understand (and ultimately agree with) what she meant.

Fast forward to Summer 2010. Last weekend was spent overnighting to DuBois for some last-minute time with the fam, mainly to check on my brother after his recent break-up. The XHL crew has been keeping Steve occupied, so I found my brother in much better spirits than expected - something I am especially grateful for. The other big news from back home is the New Camper- Mom and Paul have upgraded their summer digs, and with the help of some bighearted friends they got the whole thing set up at their campsite in under 48 hours (the bulk of the work being done before Paul knew the sale was final, so as to surprise him). What's amazing in both of these examples is that neither Steve nor my mom had asked for help; their friends banded together on their own to pitch in and help out.

On the drive home Sunday afternoon I popped in a mix CD from a few years ago (ah, nostalgia), and one of the tracks was "The Naked Mole Rap" from the Disney cartoon 'Kim Possible.' My sister used to watch the show all the time. In the song, sung by Kim's sidekick Ron Stoppable (with Rufus, the aforementioned naked mole, on backup), there is a line toward the end where Ron is rapping about how he will always be there for his friend:

"We're not afraid of any attack, I say 'Yo, K.P., we've got your back!"

Bear in mind that my mother's initials at the point of this writing are K.P., and I don't think it's too much of a leap to see where I'm going with this.

So I've seen as the years go by how true was my mom's assessment all those years ago - I have friends from hometown to new home, spread around the globe and whose numbers are swelling every day. Even when I think I'm alone, I'm never really. But the same applies to her, and to my brother too. And to half a dozen other people I can name off the top of my head. I'm not saying this is all that uncommon, but not everyone is blessed with the support of so many.

I am.

So after an evening of depression, what one image could break me from my funk?











Hells yes, baby. Darth Vader riding a cat into battle!

Share my mirth and visit www.geekologie.com

This upcoming birthday is bothering me more than I care to explain. While I've made great strides towards my goals over the past few years, it seems like something is still missing. Maybe it's because I haven't been writing, maybe because I've been stuck in Cleveland, maybe it's something else entirely. I wish I knew for sure.

Sigh.

From VeryDemotivational.com:





I don't like seals. Never have. Damn things creep me out like none other, and the above photo just reinforces that. *sigh*

When I open up my fridge, the first thing I see lays at the top of the basket where we keep our cheeses and lunch meats. It is a Hillshire Farm summer sausage, given to us at Christmas time, and it always makes me smile; not because I particularly love summer sausage (I do), but because it is one of my nephew Chase's favorite things and he picked it out for us himself. I remember my sister telling us ahead of time not to laugh at his choices, as he's not even two yet, but I always get a warm feeling inside at the thought of Lisa and her son waddling around WalMart, holding hands, him picking out just the right thing for each person on his list. And when it came to picking out what to get for Aunt Jenny he went for his most favorite food.

Some would say that in his tiny child mind Chase thought it was for himself, but I know better. As Scott couldn't drive up with me Christmas weekend, I opened presents for the both of us. Sitting on my dad's living room floor, I remember asking Chase's permission to open the shiny blue package inscribed "To Aunt Jenny and Uncle Scott, Love Chase." He toddled over to me as I pulled off the paper, then looked up at me and beamed as my sister explained how Chase did all his own shopping. I remember asking him if we should eat the sausage then. His eyes got a little bigger for a second; the smile never wavered on his little face as he gave a little shake to his head before using two baby hands to press the sausage to my heart.

And so the memory remains in a very tangible form, sitting at the top of the cheese basket in our fridge, the very first thing you see as you open the door. Scott and I keep talking about opening it up to nibble as we watch Mad Men or play Wii, but we haven't gotten any farther than pulling it out and staring at it with a weird little grin and far-off eyes. There's a wonderful little boy we're waiting to share it with.

So true, so true.

I finally got around to downloading Google's Chrome browser tonight, and so far I have to say I'm impressed. Pages do tend to load a LOT faster than IE, and I'm liking how it's easier to use than FireFox. Only downside is that my Farmville game doesn't load any faster, but I'm thinking that's mainly because of my painfully slow internet connection. I'd upgrade to a higher bandwidth, but I hate Time Warner Cable with a passion usually reserved for sex, so the thought of giving them more of my money leaves me resolute in my stance of making due. Besides, it's not like I'm on dial-up. *shudder*

I will, of course, need a few days of use before I can give an honest assessment of Chrome's awesomeness, but so far it's living up to its reputation.